Sunday, 21 September 2014

On the bus...

I met up with an old friend from work this afternoon for tea in Chislehurst. The Sunday bus service is out of date in these parts for this modern era where Sunday is just another day so I had to wait roughly half an hour. I got on the bus and sat down and was immediately surrounded by teenage girls. In situations like this my resolution is to remain perfectly still, look straight ahead and to ignore everything around me. There were seven of them, one of me. They were loud, uncouth and intrusive. There were two "ring-leaders," one of whom came and sat next to me and, at the goading of the others, began to do things to me. "Scyooz may," she repeated over and over. Getting no response she started tapping me on the shoulder. No response. "D'you speak English, mate?" She asked as she waved her hand in front of my face. No response. "Look at 'is hair," said one as the one (presumably behind me) started pulling at it. No response. "Oi, Harry," said one from the back. "Oi, is your name Harry?" says the one next to me. "Scyooz may, mate!" "Are you gay?" I cleared my throat. This was met with unanimous laughter, like the sound of rocks sliding into a pit. The one next to me then said, "oi, why you being rude for?" and pushed my head. "Oi, leave him alone," said one. At this point they started taking pictures on their phones, presumably to upload them to their Facebook or Instagram accounts. Then the strong, unpleasant smell of deodorant (of the kind favourable among teenage girls and available from Superdrug for 59p) wafted up my nose and I began to fear that they were spraying my tweed jacket with it. At this point the one next to me got up and moved to the back of the bus and I was left alone for the remainder of the journey. They started to shout and swear among themselves then and paid no more attention to me.

When I got off the bus I took off my jacket and inspected it for damage. There was none. I had tea with my friend and then went to Marks & Spencers to get some shopping (no, I don't like shopping on Sundays but I was too lazy to do any yesterday). I went to the bus stop with my shopping and (what are the odds!), the girls were back. I looked at one straight in the eyes and she looked away. Fortunately they embarked upon a different bus. If I had a gun...

Behaviour like this will only get worse as the years go by. It also increases my conviction that there are, walking among men, an expendable subhuman species that do not have souls. Pigs have similar intestinal organs to humans, don't they?


  1. i think i agree with you young man!what is the response to these tykes?pray for them that they will-one day-be received into the mystical body of christ which is the holy catholic church.god bless.philip johnson.

  2. Have you ever thought of buying a bicycle? You can wear a waterproof cape and sou'wester when it rains. I too hate public transport. The car ferry across the Channel is pretty bad. Better to spend the crossing out on deck with the Polish lorry drivers and drop-out travellers with a story to tell than in the bar! I was last in a plane when my mother died in February 2013 and on a train sometime last year. I can't remember the last time I went on a bus...