Thursday, 8 October 2015

If I were king for a day...

A while ago I published a post entitled "if I were king for a day," taking the line from that Evelyn Laye song "Let the People Sing." In that post, which I deleted in a most cowardly fashion, I listed several points ordered to the "reChristianization" of this United Kingdom. Why did I do it? Well, years ago, I can't find it anywhere, but I remember George W. Bush saying "they [presumably the "Islamists"] hate our way of life." Well, I hate our way of life too! That doesn't mean that anybody, even traddies, is in danger of a knock on their door in the middle of the night and being shot in the face because they attended a 1962 low mass (I've read that a lot of these madmen have Asperger Syndrome. Never fear! In the words of my mother: "he's just a harmless crank."). But it does mean that I feel very strongly about what can only be described as Britain's ineluctable regression beyond paganism (even pagans had the natural light!) into a state of materialistic, secular, atheistic, worldly, multicultural utopianism. This strong feeling was manifested at London Bridge station last Friday when I came home from Ireland. Seldom before had I felt so intimidated, and not because anybody came at me in a malicious or violent way. It was the oppression of the sheer numbers, the dirtiness of the place, the noise; the nasty black and brown faces everywhere. Altogether shocking after two weeks in the quiet of the world.

What needs to happen to stem the tides of secularism, and the threat of Islam, is to make Britain, the Isles and the whole of Western Europe mission territory for the Russian Orthodox Church. Christianity must become established, truly Established once more. And this must be reflected in the law of the land, social custom and tradition. Christianity must no longer be seen as a private taboo; a minority religion like any other. True religion must no longer queue up with the Hindus, the Buddhists, the neo-pagans and the spiritualists in the line of inclusion and diversity. Because Christianity is true, it must be the religion of the State. I doubt that Her Majesty The Queen can herself do much in this regard but, of course, the title of this post remains "if I were king for a day," and not just a day. [Again, I should disclaim: I profess absolute loyalty to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II as my undoubted Queen and Sovereign, so to stress this is a disclaimed fantasy. It will never happen!] So, if I were king for a day I would introduce the following laws and policies:

1. I would almost certainly disestablish the Church of England. I think that once venerable portion of Christendom is too far gone to be even worth the bother of internal reform and has for many years supinely allowed the increasing secularism of modern times. The Kirk of Scotland will also be disestablished.

2. Orthodoxy will become established by law, the Chalcedonian Orthodox Church taking the place of the Protestant Church of England. The Orthodox Church in England will be renamed the "Church of England," and existing Orthodox congregations will come under one Patriarch and jurisdiction. The Church of England will then become an autocephalous church of the worldwide Orthodox Church. The Patriarch will have his see and cathedral at Canterbury and the rite to be followed in all the churches will be the Byzantine Rite as celebrated by the clergy of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia, with a liturgical commission set up (chaired by me) to draft a traditional "English Rite." In token of the new Church by law established, all property of the disestablished Protestant Church of England (and Scots Kirk) will be ceded to the Orthodox Church, including Royal Peculiars. Of course, Her Majesty The Queen will become Supreme Governor of the Orthodox Church of England, like to her Anglo-Saxon predecessors with respect to the English Church ere the Norman Usurpation, and she can continue to worship using her own accustomed rite.

3. Masonic lodges, the Loyal Orange Lodge and other secret societies that plot against the Church will be disbanded.

4. With the restoration of Blasphemy laws, Unitarian congregations, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, and other Christian renegade groups will all be banned and profession of those religions, even in private, will become illegal.

5. Popery will be tolerated subject to a few humiliations. There will be no Romish bishops on British soil. Jurisdiction will be transferred to a "vicar apostolic," as aforetime. No more Corpus Christi processions in public, including rosary crusades. No more Marian litanies before monstrances and other abuses. No more Popish schools. Churches with obscene names will be rededicated, that is to say with dedications in accordance with Orthodoxy. Certain societies will be disbanded, particularly the Society of Pius X and the Latin Mass Society. The liturgical books of 1962 will be banned. Popish shrines, monasteries  and religious houses will be closed. Religious orders will be banned, with only secular priests and deacons allowed.The Bishop of Rome would be declared persona non grata and prayers for him would be forbidden. There will be no more diplomatic ties with the Vatican. Celebration of certain feasts, such as Joseph the Worker, would be forbidden. The rites of Exposition and Benediction would be forbidden. Seminaries would henceforth be controlled by the state. Priests trained in foreign seminaries would be banned. There will be no Uniate congregations. Churches owned by Uniate congregations will be ceded to the Church of England.

6. Tithes will be imposed on the non-Orthodox for the upkeep of the Church Established, that is the Orthodox Church.

7. Members of Parliament must be members of the Orthodox Church and take an oath of loyalty to Her Majesty The Queen on the true faith of a Christian. All political parties will be dissolved and we'll go back to the palmy days of the Whigs and Tories.

8. Non-Christian MP's will be dismissed. Non-white British will be dismissed. Suffrage will be restricted to men and women over the age of thirty. MP's must be at least thirty-five years of age and have experience in a non-political field, such as business, teaching or law.

9. All House of Lords legislation passed within the last 150 years will be reversed and hereditary peerages will be restored. Current peers who are drones, billionaire donors, and members of political parties will be dismissed. Peers who are non-Christians will be dismissed. All Orthodox bishops and abbots will have a seat in the House of Lords.

10. A referendum will be held in the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland asking the people whether they would like to rejoin/remain within the United Kingdom. Subject to a positive vote, the grotesque border drawn over the Six Counties in Ulster will be scrapped at last and the island of Ireland will rejoin the Union. Then Orthodox missionaries will be sent to the Irish to convert them. Power will be devolved to the Irish Parliament, entirely Orthodox in membership, from Westminster and the Orthodox Church will become the established church in Ireland. If the vote is negative then let legislation be passed to end the partition of Ulster and unite Ireland under one government.

11. The United Kingdom will permanently leave the European Union.

12. Jewry will be outlawed. Synagogues will be razed to the ground, all copies of the Talmud will be burned and the 1290 Edict of Expulsion will come into force.

13. Islam will be outlawed. Mosques will have their crescents and domes removed and the buildings converted for profane use, such as cinemas or knocking shops. Ethnic Arabs, Indians, Bangladeshis, Pakistanis, &c will be deported under the "Homeward Bound" scheme. Muslim converts will be sent to monasteries under the care of the monks and will be baptised. If they are not baptised within five years then they can leave the country and go to live in the Muslim world somewhere.

14. The State of Israel will no longer be recognised. Israeli passport holders will no longer be allowed past the borders, and the British embassy in Tel Aviv will be closed.

15. All ethnic minorities not part of the Union (that is of England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales) will be repatriated under the "Homeward Bound" scheme. Irish "travellers" will become stateless.

16. The doctrines of inclusion, diversity, multiculturalism and secularism will be dismantled in public services and the media.

17. Homosexuals will not be persecuted; homosexuality will not be recriminalised, but homosexuality will not be encouraged in schools or accepted as a legitimate lifestyle in law and social custom. Same-sex marriage will be declared illegal and a nonsense.

18. Abortion will be made illegal. Doctors found guilty of procuring abortions will lose the right to practice medicine and will be sent to prison. The "mothers" will also be sent to prison.

19. Divorce will only be legal on grounds of proven adultery.

20. To promote Marriage, bastardy laws will be revived. Single parent families will no longer receive state subsidies.

21. Capital punishment will be revived for particularly heinous crimes. I see no point in wasting tax payer's money in sustaining the life of a murderer or traitor in a cosy hotel prison where they can watch television all day and eat three square meals.

22. Prisons will once again be austere places of hard labour and punishment. Flogging, stale bread and water, hard beds and cold showers. An overseas penal colony wouldn't go amiss, where prisoners work if they want to eat and given a good kicking for serious breaches of discipline.

23. A serious look at the welfare system needs to take place. Do we spend too much on pensions? Do people live longer? Are tax credits for single parents really desirable? Is the NHS really worthwhile? Are there too many people on benefits?

24. Corporal punishment will be revived in schools. The teacher's fear of the pupil must be reversed. State schools will be Orthodox schools. Faith schools will be Orthodox schools. All lessons will begin with the LORD's Prayer. All lessons will conclude with God Save The Queen. There will be no fee paying schools. There will just be grammar schools and state schools. Latin and Greek will be taught in all schools. The dunce cap will be brought back.

25. All Sundays of the year will be treated as public holidays. Profane practices such as the exchange of money, business transactions, &c. will be forbidden on Sundays and other public holidays as contrary to the Fourth Commandment. Other public holidays are as follows: Christmass, Epiphany, Candlemass, Lady Day, Good Friday, Easter Monday, Ascension, Assumption, Holy Cross.

26. All transport systems and energy companies will be nationalised.

27. National service will be revived. All boys who have reached eighteen years of age will be required to spend a period of two years with the armed forces where they will be taught life skills, a trade, or a modern language.

28. Universities will no longer charge extortionate tuition fees, but then not everyone will go to university as most young adults seem to these days. Bogus subjects will no longer be offered, whereas Classics, Divinity and History will be promoted as the highest of disciplines. Apprenticeships will be promoted for those less studious but more practical.

29. The "handicapable" culture will be systematically removed from public services and the media. Britain will no longer compete in the "Paralympic" games, which will no longer be shewn on television. ADHD will no longer be seen as a mental disorder; "kleptomaniacs" will just be called dishonest once again. More homes for the disabled will be opened to keep many of them out of sight.

30. Smoking will no longer be banned in public places. Smokers will no longer be treated as pariahs. Fox hunting will no longer be banned.

31. Tattoos will become illegal. Body piercing will become illegal.

32. Theatre censorship will be brought back, extended now into film censorship. Plays and films that encourage fornication, adultery, homosexuality and other deviations from Orthodoxy will be banned.

33. "Sex education" will be abolished in schools, starting with the scandal of sex education for children of primary school age. That will henceforth be the responsibility of parents.

34. Monasteries are to be built so as to be within ten square miles of every home in the Kingdom. That's rather ambitious but it would be nice for the religion of the State to be more monastic than secular. As it was when England was Orthodox ere the Norman Usurpation.

Oh, I could go on like this forever. And I haven't said anything about abolishing privilege, which is an old socialist idea, and much else. The danger is, of course, that this "waving a magic wand" to make things right on earth becomes itself a temptation to evil: the creation, as Sauron attempted with the Gnomes of Eregion, of a rival Kingdom of God on earth against God's own Kingdom, which is eternal and not of this world. That was the ruin of the Church of England, I think, with the arrival of the welfare state and the NHS. Where does one draw the line between the liberty of the Gospel, freedom under Her Majesty The Queen, and tyranny putatively for God's sake? Between anarchy, or the abolition of control, and a responsible Christian state? Many of the present ills under which we moan and the secularism of our time comes of our letting go of too many of our own responsibilities and giving them to the state. Who is the state to tell people that they're too fat? Who is the state to tell people that they cannot smoke? And fundamentally, who is the state to teach our children about the birds and bees? Exactly!

Marriage and Monasticism are the two foundations of the Christian state, not some misguided niceness that on the one hand guarantees the elderly a pension but on the other dictates to us what we can eat, how much we can drink, and so on. Taken with abortion, euthanasia, the homosexualist agenda and the tightening noose of the refugee crisis, these things can only point to the Númenórean cult of death. Like the Númenóreans, we are obsessed with prolonging our lives. Like the Númenóreans, we are obsessed with pleasure. Like the Númenóreans, we are obsessed with anniversaries. And like the Númenóreans, it won't be long before we renounce fully the religion of our sires and turn to the worship of the Devil. As it is, we're circling the drain of history! I pray God that this nation and commonwealth, whose Empire gave to the world law, language, liberty and liturgy, will turn from the worship of the dark and walks once more within the clear Light of Christ.


  1. Thanks for not outlawing long hair! :)

  2. You would cut all ties with Israel, but not Saudi Arabia, that great violator of human rights and persecutor of Christians? For shame...

    1. The thought hadn't occurred to me, so never mind "shame." What makes you think I like the Saudi police state? The Saudis are barely distinguishable from ISIS. Having said that, I think we need oil more than we need the Israelis.

    2. Good as long as you dislike the Saudis. The coziness of that diabolical regime with the Western world's governments has never sat well with me.

    3. I am sure there are many ordinary Arabs who despise the corrupt, hegemonic Saudi royal family.

  3. I would not be surprised if the Saudis probably give a fair proportion of the Western money they rake in to ISIS. Their regime is yet another example of our disastrous foreign policy of interference in the Middle East.

    How would No. 7 above work in the practice of the election of an MP? WRT No. 4. what about those ecclesial communions who believe they have priests yet, objectively, their orders are 'null and void'? Is there a collective responsibility to prevent men from worshipping a piece of bread/cardboard?

    1. I wouldn't be surprised either, especially since the Wahhabist/Salafist ideology propagated aggressively by ISIS has its uttermost origins in Saudi Arabia.

      Confessedly, point number seven was incomplete. I should have said that the members of the political parties would be dismissed, except perhaps one or two old fashioned Tories. The parties themselves would be "rebranded," perhaps restore the old Whigs and Tories.

      I'm afraid I was too lenient on point number four. I know exactly what you mean! As for worshipping a small wafer, I think that has been covered in point number five. The idea is to strip the Papists of any substantial difference they might have from other Christians.

  4. Would JRR Tolkien be granted a reprieve from penal item 5, or would he face martyrdom or exile as well?

    1. I can't see that there'd be much of a problem for Tolkien. He could go to Mass, go to Vespers, pray the Rosary, &c. without interference from the state.

  5. I agree with some of this, but don't share your hatred of Rome. Would your Orthodox "English Rite" allow for the continued use of Anglican choral and organ music in English cathedrals, royal peculiars, collegiate chapels, and parish churches? Because I would die rather than give that up. The Eastern Orthodox are simply wrong about pipe organs and to ban them (again) would be Cromwellian evil.

    1. "Would your Orthodox "English Rite" allow for the continued use of Anglican choral and organ music in English cathedrals, royal peculiars, collegiate chapels, and parish churches?"

      Of course. In fact I think I would leave the 1662 Prayer Book intact.

  6. Organs are not banned in all Orthodox Churches, this is a common misconception. Many Greek parishes in the U S have organs, some very fine Baroque tracker organs.

  7. "The Eastern Orthodox are simply wrong about pipe organs and to ban them (again) would be Cromwellian evil."

    How do you like this?

    The Greek Americans love their organs... Probably more than the Anglicans. And no one forbids it.

    1. It was the Church of Constantinople that INTRODUCED organs to the West!

    2. Thank you for really does sound like an English Cathedral. One can hear the Russians screaming, "IS nix Orthodoxsky!"

    3. My pleasure. I have the whole CD and highly recommend it. When I listen to it, I like to imagine that this may have been the sound of Orthodox Church music if the fall of Constantinople never happened and Western ecclesial culture had been allowed to "cross pollinate" more with the East. But I am a weird Orthodox Christian. My favorite "version" of the liturgy is a highly Latinized former Greek Catholic turned OCA or ACROD version. Think Italianate iconography, consecration bells at the anaphora, and lace on the edge of the priest's sticharion. Give me Peter Moghila's catechism over an Athonite elder's writings any day of the week.

  8. That may be (not more than the Anglicans though!)...and other Orthodox criticize the Greeks for that. In any case the point is that even in Patrick's fantasy of an Orthodox England, the English cathedral musical tradition, which is very different, ought to continue.

  9. Patrick, would your Byzantine rite be the new rite of 1666 or the old rite?