Dogs...

My two dogs, Lucy and Elle, are my two best friends. Dogs are wonderful animals. In fact, my mother once told me (when she was still a practicing Catholic, that is) that if I wanted to conceive somewhat of the glory of God, ''look down at that silly creature rolling around on the floor''. They are both happy, frivolous dogs who ask only to be fed, loved and looked after. This means that you can relate to and understand dogs better than you can human beings, who are often shallow, stupid, dim and wicked creatures. The dog is not going to throw a fit in Game because you didn't buy it the new Xbox is it? You cannot spoil a dog. The dog has four moods - happy, sad, cross and concentrating, so you will always know what the dog thinks. Therefore, dogs do not have agendas like human beings and they are faithful and consistent. I daresay that dogs are in fact more important than human beings.

In my entire life I have never come across a church where the Liturgy is celebrated properly (as I would have it celebrated). I think, therefore, that I would rather entrust Traditional Liturgy to my two dogs than to Tradworld, which has agendas, makes unnecessary concessions, and very often is profoundly dishonest. My two dogs wouldn't have Signum Magnum on the Feast of the Assumption, for example, swap the traditional feast of Sts Philip and James for Joe the Worker (a feast created by that awful man Pius XII in deference to Communism) because the people have a devotion to St Joseph, or have Mass on Mandy Thursday in the evening with the Mandatum pasted into a post-'56 part of the Liturgy. No, dogs are always consistent and honest, and if I said ''we're not using lace cottas anymore'', the dog would do as I said; moreover if I said to the dog ''we're not having vernacular hymns in the Eucharistic Liturgy anymore,'' the dog would agree.